


Stay With Me

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: Da Vinci's Demons
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Changing Tenses, Episode: s03e03 Modus Operandi, Fix-It, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Leo has no time for Riario's religious angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Character Death, Past Suicide Attempt, Psychotropic Drugs, Surreal, fan service/wish fulfillment, leario - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5322491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Give me your hand," Leonardo said and as he caught hold of Riario's wrist he exposed the marred flesh. AU in which Leonardo realises he's not the only who's suffered and, in confronting Riario about the truth, triggers a revelation and an opportunity. Please see the notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is au from season 3 episode 3 "Modus Operandi". I haven't yet seen further ahead and I don't care how far off I am with the canon plot. Please avoid spoilery comments though I gather that I'll get to see the canon explanation in episode 6 but that will be a couple of weeks away for me (I'm behind on watching and I'm spacing the episodes out the better to enjoy them).  
> Due to the nature of the fic and the brainwashing, this fic is in places surreal, experimental, and deliberately mixes tenses.  
> For the 100 tales prompt "death".

"Give me your hand," Leonardo said.

Riario hesitated, wondering what the _artista_ was up to now. With reluctance he held out his hand and Leonardo grasped him, but in doing he tugged at the tight sleeve and it pulled back from Riario's wrist. Another man probably would not have seen but Leonardo noticed everything. He turned Riario's wrist upward to expose the scar.

"Girolamo?" Leonardo sounded shocked and Riario deserved that, deserved every bit of shame and disgust that was coming.

"It's nothing," he said but Leonardo wouldn't let go, his thumb rubbing the still sensitive scar tissue.

"How? When?" And, as he stared into Riario's eyes again, "Why?"

Riario pulled away, stepping back and smoothing his sleeve down to cover his shame. "We are not here to talk about my wrongdoing."

"Wrongdoing? For fuck's sake!" Leonardo advanced on him. "I've been through hell, you know that. You know what I've lost. But you've been through hell too. No one tries to take their own life without cause."

"There is no just cause. It is an offence against God -"

"Fuck off," Leonardo interrupted. "You clearly didn't believe or care about that at the time and I never shall. What happened to send you over the edge, that's what I want to know."

Riario shrugged.

"You survived."

"By the grace of God." The words were glib, expected, but they felt hollow on his lips. The room was too warm. He could hear the chanting of the Enemies of Man at the back of his mind.

Leonardo made a noise of disgust. "I told you not to come back here. Didn't I say there would be no absolution from that prick?"

Leonardo meant Sixtus, Riario's father, and Riario ought to be angry but he couldn't muster up any rage. "You were right. Not from him, nor from the true Holy Father."

Surprise showed in the hazel eyes. "The real pope refused to give you absolution."

Riario lowered his gaze.

"I thought that was a tenet of your faith. That if you sincerely repent you will always be forgiven. What a shit," Leonardo said, and despite the haze that had surrounded him since the Enemies of Men had taken him to their bosom Riario felt a stirring of affection for Leonardo, who was so aggravated on Riario's behalf despite his own lack of faith.

"I was undeserving."

"No. You didn't have to come back here, but you did, you came to try and redeem yourself. That was worth something."

Leonardo's hands were on Riario's shoulders now and he stared into Riario's eyes. Riario found himself unable to look away.

"So he turned his back on you?" Leonardo asked.

Riario nodded.

"And that was enough to make you want to die?"

"Without the Church I am nothing."

Leonardo released him with an empathic "Bullshit!" He paced, gesturing. "God, is this what I sound like when I've got an idea stuck in _my_ head? I say stupid things until I find the right answer? That must be aggravating." Leonardo paused in his self-reflection. "So you were feeling sad enough to cut your wrist?"

"Both." Riario saw no reason to hide the scars any longer. He pushed back his sleeves to display the marred flesh. "And then attempted to drown myself."

_The water was cold and took his breath away. It was sharp against the bloody wounds but that pain was soon lost, overwhelmed by the chill in his chest and the water flooding his nose and mouth, robbing him of oxygen. His body struggled despite his mind's will. His sinful flesh wanted to live despite his soul's desire to end it all. Just one more moment of agony and it would be over. What was the use of thrashing to bring his head above the frigid waters when he would die from the blood loss anyway?_

"You wanted to make sure," Leonardo said and there was such pity in his voice that if Riario hadn't been so lost in the reliving of his death he might have wept. "How did you survive?"

"I did not."

Leonardo blinked a few times. "I've been having a lot of visions," he said carefully. "But I am fairly certain you are not one of them."

"I died," Riario insisted. _He was choking and the blackness came to swallow him up at last and then there was movement and a fresh agony of cold air upon soaked skin and torn flesh and pressure on his ribs. There was darkness and warmth and a tepid liquid that was not river water being poured down his throat. Oblivion came again and then he was upright, strapped tightly against something unyielding, with his eyes forced open._ "I was reborn. I was saved."

"By God?" Leonardo asked, hesitation in his tone.

Riario shook his head. He couldn't breathe. He must not say. He could not expose his brethren. They had saved him, he was one of them, they were one. Not even Leonardo could be spared their wrath. He must join them or die. No, surely not Leonardo, with his unique mind. The _artista_ with the warm eyes and wide smile and irritating but endearing sense of humour. Leonardo, the genius who had shown Riario there was more than Rome.

"Riario?"

He took a hesitant step forward, pulling his dagger. Leonardo had to be silenced. He would not kill the _artista_ , but he would incapacitate Leonardo, take him to Carlos so that Leonardo might walk the labyrinth and see the truth.

"Riario!" Leonardo picked up a heavy cross, circling away from him. "What has got into you?"

"We. Are. One," he rasped, _and there was such pain and terror, and he'd faced himself and the salt stung his eyes but he could not cry and the torches were too bright in the dark cave and oblivion would be better than this. We are one, but before that there was the pride of being named Captain General of the Papal Army, there was Zita, there was Leonardo, and they did not belong to the Enemies of Man._

"One what?"

He could not say, he must not expose them, but he'd done such things for Leonardo already. He had killed Zita and her blood would always be on his hands, what was a few words compared to that? He was forbidden to expose the order, he was one of them, _we are one_ , but this was Leonardo and they would destroy him, this man who looked at him with pity. Zita was the only one to look on him with devotion and he'd killed her. But Leonardo, didn't he too look at him with something approaching affection?

"Run," Riario said, trying to sheath his dagger before he did something Leonardo would regret.

He'd forgotten how stubborn Leonardo was.

"No."

He had to capture Leonardo, he'd got too close, why was he asking about Riario's death as if he cared! In the labyrinth he'd killed Leonardo, hadn't he, blood on his hands again, and now he would never escape because if anyone could find their way out of that place it was the _artista_ but he had Riario's blade in his chest, _except that was a dream, wasn't it_ , a vision, because he was here. Leonardo was here and Riario could not hurt him, _would not kill him_ , and he couldn't breathe, the room was spinning and -

When Riario came to he was lying in Leonardo's arms. His dagger was gone. Leonardo was sitting on the floor, cradling Riario to his chest as if this was a perfectly normal state of affairs. There was a knocking nearby, and the door was rattled but did not open.

"We're busy investigating a crime," Leonardo yelled over his shoulder. He looked down, sighed in relief. "You're awake. Can you do something about them? I barricaded the door, because I figured if they found me standing over your unconscious body they might slit my throat and ask questions later, but they're surprisingly persistent."

Riario took a deep breath, coughed his lungs clear. He ought to move but it was warm and safe and somehow right to lie here. He swallowed and put all his strength into calling, "Leave us!"

The knocking ceased. Leonardo grinned.

"That's better. Now, where were we? Oh yes, you threatened me with a dagger and told me to run, just after we were getting to the good part."

"The good part?"

"How you survived the river. I'm guessing the cold water stemmed the blood flow, but it's a miracle you didn't drown. You said you were saved. Did someone pull you from the river?"

Riario moistened his lips. "The Enemies of Man." He hadn't expected the words to leave his lips but they did.

"Those fucks? I suppose I can see how their particular brand of fundamentalism is attractive to someone like you, especially when your previous servitude had been rewarded by a kick in the teeth and you were looking for something new to obsess over, but honestly, I have had it up to here with the Enemies of Man _and_ the Sons of Mithras and the fucking Turks and bloody Rome," Leonardo said. "Do you ever just wish you could go back and say _no, actually I'm going to stay in my studio and paint. I don't want to design war machines and get embroiled in politics and travel halfway around the world for some book that won't even be there_. For you I guess it would be more _I'm going to prance about on my horse and sneer at politicians_ , but you get the idea."

It had been so long since he'd been in such close contact with Leonardo that Riario didn't even care about the insults or the rambling. He let Leonardo's voice wash over him, a comforting babble that wasn't giving him orders.

"What did they do to you?" Leonardo said at last, when he'd finished ranting and realised Riario didn't have the will to argue.

"I cannot say."

"Can't or won't?"

Clever _artista_ , always so incisive.

"Must not."

"Try." One of Leonardo's hands was clutching Riario's shoulder and his fingers squeezed gently in encouragement.

Riario stared at the soft locks of hair and the rough stubble, focused on Leonardo's features as if they were a talisman. "I was reborn. They - they showed me the truth. I walked the labyrinth." His eyes closed without his volition.

"Mystical bullshit; hey, no," Leonardo said, patting at Riario's cheeks with his other hand. "Stay with me."

"You sent me away." That was unexpected and it surprised Leonardo too.

"What?"

Riario was supposed to be doing his duty, supposed to capture Leonardo, but he was so _tired_ and he couldn't remember the last time someone held him - _Zita, it was Zita, and he killed everything he touched_. A wonderful idea occurred to him. "Kill me," he said. "I could not do it myself. Perhaps I was spared so that I could die by another's hand and my soul could be saved."

"Kill you? After everything we've been through? If I wanted to kill you I'd have done it a long time ago." Leonardo clasped Riario's chin. "Is that what the Enemies of Man want? For you do die? No, no, they sent you here to be their spy, to manipulate those around you. Are you spying for them?"

"We are one," Riario said automatically.

"We'll see about that." Leonardo took a breath. "Can you stand?"

They got to their feet, Riario still dizzy. Leonardo slid his arm around him. Leonardo unbarred the door and walked them both past the guards.

"The Count is unwell," Leonardo said with his usual bravado. "Show us to his rooms."

The guards did as they were bid, and Leonardo dismissed them like he himself was nobility. He led Riario to the bed and, between his duties at the Vatican and his activities for the Enemies of Man, Riario wasn't sure of the last time he'd slept. He sank gratefully down amongst the pillows.

"Stay here. I'll be back in a moment."

Riario hadn't the energy to do otherwise and Leonardo was as good as his word, returning shortly with a cup full of a cloudy looking liquid.

"You need to drink this," Leonardo said, sliding one arm beneath Riario and lifting him up so he could swallow without choking.

"What is it?"

"Something to help you sleep. I promise you won't dream," Leonardo said. "I have to finish examining the body, and I can't have you trying to kill me or wandering off to report to the Enemies of Man while I do that. So you get some sleep and I'll do my work."

When Riario had obediently drained the cup, Leonardo laid him back down like he was a child and threw a blanket over him.

"I have an idea for how to deal with this, and I'll be here when you wake up," Leonardo said and it sounded like a promise. Riario, once again past caring if he woke at all, let the drug work it's way through his blood, not fighting the warmth and heaviness that dragged him down into nothingness.

As Leonardo promised there were no dreams, no nightmares or terrible memories to haunt his sleep. Riario woke with his throat dry and eyes crusted with sleep but well rested.

"Water," Leonardo said, for to Riario's surprise, he'd kept his promise and was here waiting. As Riario sat up and drank the cool liquid greedily, Leonardo said, "I dissected Clarice's body. I think I found a clue as to where she was murdered. We can investigate but that's we, not me. I need you at my side."

Riario heard little beyond "I need you" and nodded.

"But that's no use if you are trying to kill me or capture me," Leonardo went on. He picked up another glass.

"I don't want to sleep any more," Riario protested.

"This isn't for sleep. Almost the opposite. It is wine laced with a few rather interesting herbs and spices. It will help free your mind. I want to try and undo whatever was done to you." Leonardo held out the glass.

Riario hesitated. Part of him still wanted to attack Leonardo. But this was Leonardo, the _artista_ , and he wasn't forcing anything on him. More than anyone in the world, even if he probably didn't deserve it, Riario trusted Leonardo. The Enemies of Man were so sure of themselves, as Leonardo was, but they used the labyrinth where Leonardo used words. They'd pulled him from the river but Leonardo had saved him before that, when he could have left him to die in the jungle far from civilisation.

This was a choice Riario could make. He could trust the people who'd he pledged devotion to - _we are one_. Or trust Leonardo, who was cocksure but savvy enough to adjust his approach if he was proved wrong. Flexible and willing to learn in a way Riario had never been, and the Enemies of Man worked the same way; there was no room for debate or improvement or progress. They would never fly and maybe Leonardo never would either but he would never give up trying.

Riario drank the entire contents of the cup. It was somewhat bitter and he caught a hint of a spice he couldn't place. It wasn't unpleasant even if it wasn't particularly nice.

"Lie back. Close your eyes," Leonardo said, pitching his voice low and gentle.

Riario obeyed gladly for the room was spinning and he was beginning to feel uncomfortable again.

"Go back to before the Enemies of Man. Back before the river. Back to a time you remember being, well, _yourself_."

"It was so long ago."

"That's all right," Leonardo soothed.

"Zita was still alive."

"I'm sorry. I know how much she meant to you and I think of her sacrifice often."

"I killed her. And then we left, without the Book of Leaves. It was all for nothing. You should have left me there to die."

"I couldn't do that. There'd been too much death."

Riario felt Leonardo take one of his hands and clasp it gently.

"Nico wouldn't have let me leave you behind anyway," Leonardo went on. "He had come to respect you. As did I. Is that honestly the last time you remember being in control?"

"Nothing seemed real after that," Riario recalled, flashes of memory assaulting his senses. "I thought it would be different once I came home. I would make confession and I would make recompense. But he would not absolve me. I had nothing. He said nothing was what I deserved."

Leonardo took a sharp breath. There was a tightness in his voice when he said, "Go on. We need to relive it, all of it. But I'm here, and you're safe. It's not real this time. Remember that."

It was only the sound of Leonardo's voice, his hand holding Riario's, that let him continue.

"I went to the river. It was cold. I waded out to the centre and pulled out my daggers. I," and Riario hesitated, for the scars had been seen by several people now but he rarely spoke the truth of his terrible act. "I held each one against my wrist and cut as deeply as I could. And then let the river take me. I was ready to die. But someone pulled me from the water and it hurt, and then I was - there's a cave. It's dark but there are torches and it's so bright -"

"Sssh. Slowly. You're safe. Go on, but slowly," Leonardo urged, squeezing his hand.

"I can't close my eyes. They want to show me the way. The truth, the water...it stings and burns. I can't move. They ask me how many men are in the room. It is a spiritual truth they want. The answer is one. We are one. They make me walk the labyrinth to show me that I am one of them."

"The labyrinth. Tell me about it."

Easier said than done but Riario did his best. "You sent me away. We were on the ship and you turned your back on me. I had nowhere to go but Rome and the pope turned his back on me. So I went to the river and I turned my back on myself. I fought with myself."

"Wait," Leonardo said. "What do you mean I sent you away?"

The hazy memories that Riario could no longer tell as being true or false danced in his head. The colours were too bright, the silence eerie with no sound to break it but their voices. No splashing of the waves or cry of seabirds.

"When we reach land we will no longer be allies," Riario said. It had been a knife in his heart but he was still so hurt from losing Zita and weak from his injury that he'd not fully appreciated how deep that wound was until now or at least until the labyrinth and was he still trapped there, reliving it over and over? No, Leonardo was here, and Riario clutched at his hand.

"I did say something like that, didn't I? I'm sorry. I couldn't trust you, if you were going back to Rome, to Sixtus. You were so determined to come back here. I warned you there would be absolution."

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Stay with me?"

Riario tried to open his eyes at that but the drugs were powerful and the waking dream had such a hold that he could only say, "You did not ask."

Leonardo squeezed his hand. "You're right."

"I will not allow it this time. I take my dagger and I plunge it into your chest." _Leonardo's blood on his hands, just as Zita's was. Leonardo doesn't even look surprised as he dies._ "And then I go to Rome and I kill both of the men who think they are righteous enough to be the pope. And then I go to the river, and I see how weak and pathetic I am, and I fight him. The weak part of myself who worships within the corrupt Church, who has let himself be brought so low. And I kill him and so I am reborn."

"You have to undo it. Relive it, but stay your blade this time. Do not hurt yourself."

"He deserves to die."

"No. No, you don't. Sssh. Do as I'm doing now. Show compassion. Hold him instead," Leonardo suggested.

_It's raining and they're soaked through and Riario sneers at the pathetic man in black who has shed his own blood but Leonardo's words float around him and he takes a step forward and gives himself the comfort denied him in the real world. He's weeping and then he's back in the Vatican and he strikes the Pope for his dismissal of Riario's wellbeing but he lets him live, spits at the feet of Sixtus but walks past him too, and they're on the ship again._

"Stay with me," Leonardo says and he can't tell if this is the labyrinth or a memory or if it's real because the colours are too bright but the world is always brighter when Leonardo is in it, and he can hear the waves against the side of the ship this time.

_Riario drops the blade but Leonardo must pay and he grabs him, wrestles with Leonardo and it's like losing Zita all over again, the memory of fighting with him. Then he looks down and he's covered in his own blood and he can't tell if he or Leonardo inflicted the wound._

"Stay with me." Leonardo's tone is more urgent and Riario is in his arms now, bleeding and close to death, and Leonardo looks surprisingly upset about that. He presses his lips to Riario's forehead as if it might make a difference and Riario _wants_ it to but he's not sure it can.

"I would if I could, _artista_."

"Of course you can. Make the choice. _Stay with me._ "

Riario tried to protest, tries to speak, _is this now or then_? He's dying, surely.

He coughed and opened his eyes. He was sitting up and Leonardo was embracing him, and one of Riario's hands was fisted in Leonardo's shirt, pulling the material back to reveal the well defined pectoral muscles. Riario was soaked in sweat and they were both somewhat splattered with vomit.

"Sssh, that's it. You're safe. You're alive." Leonardo sounded relieved.

"I'm sorry," Riario said, ashamed of the mess he'd made. He pushed Leonardo away, rubbing ineffectually at his damp hair and face.

"It's all right. Tell me who you are."

"You know who I am."

"Humour me," Leonardo said grimly.

"I am." He hesitated. "Girolamo Riario."

"And?"

"Count and Captain General of the Holy Roman Church."

"And the Enemies of Man?"

Riario felt rage flare up within him. "They shall all die."

"Good to know. You still have any urge to kill me to kidnap me?"

"None, _artista_."

"Do you remember everything they did to you?"

"No. I remember some things. The labyrinth. I remember coming back here. Talking with the Holy Father. But there are gaps."

Leonardo nodded. "That's to be expected. You might get the memories back, sometimes as dreams, sometimes as flashes when you least expect it. We'll work through them."

We. Riario was grateful for that.

"For now, we have work to do. Let's get cleaned up. We have bathhouses to search."

Riario frowned. "Do you mean we should go to a bathhouse to clean up?"

"No. I think Clarice was murdered in a bathhouse. So get cleaned up first. We can't go around solving crimes looking like this." Leonardo gazed at his dirty clothes and gave a rueful smile. "Don't feel too bad about it. Zo once threw up an entire three courses on me."

Riario still couldn't bring himself to make the snide comment about Zoroaster that he might usually have done, but he knew something had changed and that he was more _himself_ as Leonardo put it, than he had been for a long time.

"Thank you," Riario said.

"I need you at my side if I'm to solve this crime and get Sixtus to help me," Leonardo said, scrubbing at his shirt with a damp cloth.

All Riario heard was "I need you" and it spurred him to action. He would help Leonardo, and then Leonardo would help him on his quest for revenge against those who had wronged him.

He was going to make every one of those assholes walk the fucking labyrinth straight into hell.

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to promote this fic you can reblog my [tumblr post](http://meridianrose.tumblr.com/post/134336190556/stay-with-me-meridianrose-meridianrose-da). Thanks :D


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